


Dipper Pines, Babyface

by burglebezzlement



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Backstory, Family, Fluff, Gen, baby fights, content warning for babies fighting and inappropriate choices of costuming for said babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2019-01-04 11:24:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12167901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burglebezzlement/pseuds/burglebezzlement
Summary: Dipper uncovers a family secret: the real reason Stan likes watching Baby Fights.





	Dipper Pines, Babyface

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Healy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Healy/gifts).



> This fic is set early in the series. Dipper and Mabel are not yet aware of the reveal in A Tale of Two Stans. 
> 
> Also, confession time: my only source of information about pro wrestling is watching the Netflix series GLOW, followed by the GLOW documentary. As a result, my take on the world of Baby Fights may be… questionable.

Dipper trudges up the stairs of the Mystery Shack, his feet sore and his brain one level below its usual peak performance. A full day of exploring the woods beyond the Shack, and he has nothing to show for it. No gnomes, no pixiecorns. No not-sighting of the Hide Behind. Not even a single, stinking, stomach-faced duck.

He lets himself into the Shack. The Shack, where the biggest mystery is why Grunkle Stan won’t pay for air conditioning. Dipper solved that mystery his first day in Gravity Falls. His uncle is cheap, that’s why.

Mabel’s upstairs in their room, singing to herself, so Dipper follows the sound of the TV into the living room. Stan’s on the couch, watching another episode of —

“Baby Fights? Really?” Dipper lowers himself to the floor. “Why do you watch this?”

“Uh —” Stan looks over at the stairs, nervously. “Why do you think I watch this?”

“You’re weird?” Dipper leans back on the crumb-covered rug.

“You got me, kid.” Grunkle Stan gets up and goes to the TV to eject a VCR tape.

“Wait, this is recorded?” Dipper sits back up. “This doesn’t look like the regular Baby Fights.” All the babies on the screen are wearing sparkly costumes. Tutus and eye makeup — eye makeup on babies? That seems wrong. 

Mabel swoops into the room. “Did somebody say Baby Fights?” She looks at the screen. “No, Grunkle Stan, leave it on! These babies are way cuter than the babies you normally watch.”

“Uh….” Stan makes a noise that’s halfway between a throat-clearing and a squawk. “I’m sure you kids have something else you want to watch.”

“Nope.” Mabel plops herself down beside Dipper on the floor. “I’m into this now.”

“You kids don’t want to go get an ice cream?”

“Baby Fights!” Mabel pumps her fist.

Stan grimaces, and then sits back down on the couch. 

“Why are the babies all so…. sparkly?” Dipper squints at the screen. “And why is that baby wearing fake wings?”

“This is before they decided to make baby fighting into a sport,” Grunkle Stan says. “Modern baby fighting relies too much on acrobatics and athletic training. Back in the day, we used to be able to tell a story!”

A baby wearing a black onesie and a witch’s hat is pushed into the ring by an off-screen handler. The baby looks over at the camera and then starts biting her hand. “Goo goo,” she says, and the crowd in the background starts going wild.

“That’s Mallory the Malignant,” Stan says. “Now that baby was a heel! These new baby fights, they barely know what it is to characterize a baby. You’ve got all these Madisons. Nobody can even tell them apart. Mallory, now she was the type of heel who makes a face.”

Mabel furrows her eyebrows. “Like a growly face?”

“You kids don’t know anything, do you?” Stan leans forward. “See that baby?” He points to a baby wearing a sparkly green onesie and a stretchy, knit hat covered with fake flowers, who’s being pushed into the ring. “That’s Marvelous May, one of the best faces in the baby fighting business. May’s there to be the one the crowd can root for. Mallory’s there to give them someone to root against.”

“They’re all babies,” Dipper says. “Should we really be rooting against any of them?” 

While he watches, Mallory the Malignant crawls towards May and topples the pile of blocks May is playing with.

“See?” Stan grins. “Now you want Marvelous May to kick her ass, don’t you?”

“They’re still babies,” Dipper says. But Mabel’s starting up a chant of _fight! fight! fight!_ under her breath beside him.

Marvelous May pushes a hand towards Mallory. The crowd gasps. 

“May didn’t even touch her,” Dipper says, but Mabel shushes him. 

On the screen, Mallory reaches over and picks up one of Marvelous May’s blocks. She starts mouthing it, while the crowd boos behind her.

“Now it’s on,” Stan says. Marvelous May reaches over and pulls at Mallory’s witch’s hat, pulling the elastic of the hat and then letting the hat snap back. “Ouch! Classic May move!”

Dipper scratches his head. “It… it is?”

“Now it’s gettin’ started,” Mabel says, watching Marvelous May and Mallory slap at one another’s hands. “Ooooh! Get her, May!”

Mallory reaches out and pulls Marvelous May’s hat off, and that’s when Dipper sees it.

The birthmark. The Big Dipper, splashed across the baby’s forehead. Across _Marvelous May’s_ forehead.

He reaches out and pauses the VCR. The grainy lines on the picture still let him see the baby’s forehead. There can’t be two birthmarks like that — it’s just too unlikely.

He turns, slowly. “Grunkle Stan?”

Stan looks like he wants to run to his tax collector shelter, or maybe jump in the Bottomless Pit. “Yeah, kid?”

“Did you enter me in baby fights when I was a baby?”

Mabel gasps.

“Uh… maybe a little.”

“Dipper!” Mabel gets up and goes to the television, crouching down in front of it. “It really is you!”

“I know that, Mabel.” Dipper gets up and starts pacing. “Why? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Was there any money?” Mabel jumps up and sits down on the arm of the couch. “Did you enter me in baby fighting? Do I have a secret trust fund? Grunkle Stan, are we rich?”

“If we were rich, we would have air conditioning,” Dipper mutters.

“There’s no money,” Grunkle Stan says. “And you never fought, Mabel.” He grimaces. “You kept _hugging_ the other babies.”

“Aw.” Mabel smiles. “So it was just Dipper’s killer instinct! A baby alone, against the world!”

“I was with you,” Stan protests. “You were safe. I don’t know why your mother got so upset about it.”

“You didn’t tell her?” Dipper’s mouth drops open. “And they let you put me on TV?”

“You saw the costumes, kid. You really think a place that put eye makeup on a six-month-old worried about proper releases?” Stan shakes his head. “They tried to make me put eye makeup on you, but I always said no. I cared about your safety, kid.”

“I don’t believe this.” Dipper shakes his head, but the paused image on the screen is still there. It’s still his birthmark.

Mabel squints at the screen. “Did Mom and Dad find out? Is this why they never told us you existed until this summer?”

“Yes, but you can’t remind them about it,” Stan says, his voice sharp.

“Really?” Dipper looks over.

“Uh… yeah.” Stan looks uncomfortable. “It was a tough time. They wouldn’t want to have to think about it.”

“You got it!” Mabel hugs Stan and then jumps down from the couch. “I want to see if Dipper wins!” 

Dipper stares, and then drops down on the floor to watch his much-younger-self push Mallory the Malignant away while Mabel and Stan cheer him on. It’s not the secret he thought he’d be uncovering in Gravity Falls today, but it’s definitely weirder than he could have imagined. 

Maybe there are some mysteries left at the Shack after all.


End file.
